Saturday, April 18, 2015


I've been on writer's block for quite some time now. Crumpled pages and deleted documents is all that comes to my mind when I look back.  Last year, when I started college, I started working as a content writer for an online startup and as a writing intern with a website on the side. Later, I joined a drama society in college which actually made me want to attend college for a change because it introduced me to likeminded people. People who wrote. People who had a knack for good music. People who read. People who could think beyond clothes, shoes and their boyfriends. I was content. I was happy. I was thankful.
It didn't last too long though. After I was done with both my jobs, all I had was the drama society which had become very dear to me. It was probably the only reason why I attended college. But shit got real when I had to give my first semester finals. Eventually, I passed most of the subjects. Most of them, because I failed Hindi by one mark. I was travelling to Bombay with my society a month before I got the horrific news about having to give my Hindi exam again in the third semester. Fucking shit. The trip though, was an eventful one. All I can and want to say is that this trip and those situations, changed equations. Big time. After getting my ass kicked by my own choice for a month, I left the dramatics society too. It was quite a sad decision but I had to take it. At some level, I knew that I wasn't going to stay for long. Besides, the thing is, when you put your mind, body and soul into making something happen, you are bound to get attached to it. And when it is taken away from you, it is gut wrenching. When you see someone else do it, it is heart breaking.
Meanwhile, back at (regular) college, I was being targeted for saying things that I (still) don't remember saying. Politics. Second semester was an ass because of a few uncouth young women.
 On the upside, I got an opportunity to play a very prestigious role in a play which was not associated with college. On the downside, five days before the final performance, I was told that I shouldn't do it because I wasn't doing it the way it was supposed to be done and that someone experienced should do it. And they did it. Now when I look back, I realize that even though that decision left me feeling devastated and incompetent for the second time in two months, it was a practical one. Even though I did resent some people for it, I couldn't really help it. Even there, I was at the learning stage.
In this grave desire to learn something new, I was starting to lose touch with the one thing that was very close to my heart. I had stopped thinking. I had stopped imagining. I had stopped writing. It was frightening, the day I opened my diary and I couldn't describe my feelings, my days.. my life! Penning my thoughts down is like therapy for me. Besides, it has solution to all my problems. It is something that I love with all my heart because I know that no one can ever take it away from me.

But all this while, all I wanted to do was try my hand at something new and something that I had enjoyed watching other people do. And I did it. I've always been open to trying new things.. things that will help me grow as an individual, things that will help me gain knowledge. And I did it all. At this point, I can say for sure that I do not regret a single decision I made. This is because of the simple reason that I learnt from every situation that I put myself in and every decision that I took. It made me strong, resistant and well.. better than before. I still have shitload of experience to catch up on. After my semester finals, I guess.
Wearing: Dress:; Shoes: Zara; Bracelets: Mom's; Envelope clutch: Youshine; Sunglasses: AS0S

Pictures: Tyesha Kohli


Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Better Late Than Never, eh?

 Wearing: White Sweater ;Blazer: Zara; Leather leggings: Connection 18  ; Shoes: Guess; Sunglasses: ASOS

College has really given me a chance to explore and experiment. This is what I usually wore to college besides biker jackets, long coats and boots on cold winter mornings. I have finally moved from shooting in my backyard to shooting in college. Yes, this is my college. Well technically, we (my best friend and I. NO SELF TIMER!) shot right outside the Sister's (principal) house but you get my drift, right?! Living in leggings was not really my thing until I got these. AND GUESS WHAT, I CAN
I was supposed to post this two weeks ago but I couldn't since I had a dozen tests to give and assignments to submit and whatnot! Also, I don't know why but I've been a little disinterested for quite some. I was thinking of shutting this blog down a while back because there is not point in leaving it stagnant. But I am trying to work things out now. Apologies for a brief post. I am working on a research paper and a theater production simultaneously and unfortunately, they take up most of my time. So until next time, au revoir mes amis!

Aishwarya :)

Ps: I am currently a part of a theater production being staged by an independent theater company on 20th of March. If any of you love watching plays and want the deets for this one, you can email me @ (don't laugh, I made it when I was 15). 

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Hidden Bruises

The unrealistically high expectations the society and the consequences of it all

When I was a child of seven
My grandmother said to me
"your hair isn't as long as hers"
When I grew a little
 she said, " you are not as tall as her"
When I grew older, she told me,
"You don't score as well as her".
She thought she was helping me.
But she killed my confidence
She killed me.

When I was a girl of thirteen
they bullied me
They told me I was a boy
They told me I was not thin
They told me I was a loser.
They thought they were being funny
But they wrecked my self esteem.
They wrecked me.

Sick and tired,
I covered my bruised self esteem
A facade of a sort.
I hid it from the world then
I hide it from the world now.