Saturday, September 12, 2015

Why do I Write?

The other day, I was walking back to the metro station with someone who randomly asked me why I write. I answered almost instantly, "To let off steam. Every time I am furious or upset about something, I write about it." This is the reason why I had stopped posting. I couldn't bring myself to post.
But I thought about their question one too many times and the fact is, writing is very similar to catharsis, for me. I've grown up being bullied by egoistical losers who felt emasculated every time I called them out on their shit. I've grown up being lectured about how my thunder thighs and my bum don't look good at all (now, I just sing All About That Base and emphasize on the "I'm gettin booty back" part) and like any other average Indian kid, I have been told off for not scoring as well as other people my age. And now when I look back, I feel, as a 13 year old kid... majority of it was unnecessary stress which resulted in major self esteem issues. It could have been avoided and unfortunately, the fear of being judged stopped me from talking to people about it which is why I resorted to writing. 
Besides, every time I sit to write I feel like I am not kidding myself or anyone else, for that matter. Blogging and talking to you guys is what has played a major role in taping the broken pieces back together.
I read a book called The Forty Rules Of Love by Elif Shafak a few months ago. I must say, it is one of the most beautiful books I have read in the longest time. It taught me that it is through love and acceptance that you can bring a positive change in and around you. And ever since then, slowly and gradually I am falling in love with the way I am- with all of my chubby thighs and my bum. I have learnt that love and acceptance is the only way. I feel happy and content with the way I am. I admit that I become insecure sometimes but I try not to focus on that part of my life. I believe in working on myself in order to achieve the desired goals which I hopefully will someday. 
As for Melancholy, it has now become a distant friend who pays me a visit once in a while. I embrace her with open arms. We sit and chat over tea. I tell her lovely things about myself and so does she. She tells me about her life which is something along the lines of her name. I tell her that everything is going to be alright and that she should give Love a try. She tells me that she cannot bring herself to love someone else. I then ask her how she can possibly love someone else when she can't bring herself to love her own self? Try love, I ask her once again. She understands, stands up and embraces me and with a glint of hope in her eyes, she leaves. :)

 Wearing: Sunglasses- ASOS, Button down embellished collar top- International Concepts, Velvet Skirt- Thrifted, Patent black heels- Next
If you're on the curvier side, try wearing flow-y bottoms and fitted tops. Embellished collars were never exactly my thing. I have always associate the detachable embellished collars with dog collars and I am against dog collars. But this one came attached with *LOL (pun intended) so I did not have a choice. 

*Lots of Love

Saturday, April 18, 2015


I've been on writer's block for quite some time now. Crumpled pages and deleted documents is all that comes to my mind when I look back.  Last year, when I started college, I started working as a content writer for an online startup and as a writing intern with a website on the side. Later, I joined a drama society in college which actually made me want to attend college for a change because it introduced me to likeminded people. People who wrote. People who had a knack for good music. People who read. People who could think beyond clothes, shoes and their boyfriends. I was content. I was happy. I was thankful.
It didn't last too long though. After I was done with both my jobs, all I had was the drama society which had become very dear to me. It was probably the only reason why I attended college. But shit got real when I had to give my first semester finals. Eventually, I passed most of the subjects. Most of them, because I failed Hindi by one mark. I was travelling to Bombay with my society a month before I got the horrific news about having to give my Hindi exam again in the third semester. Fucking shit. The trip though, was an eventful one. All I can and want to say is that this trip and those situations, changed equations. Big time. After getting my ass kicked by my own choice for a month, I left the dramatics society too. It was quite a sad decision but I had to take it. At some level, I knew that I wasn't going to stay for long. Besides, the thing is, when you put your mind, body and soul into making something happen, you are bound to get attached to it. And when it is taken away from you, it is gut wrenching. When you see someone else do it, it is heart breaking.
Meanwhile, back at (regular) college, I was being targeted for saying things that I (still) don't remember saying. Politics. Second semester was an ass because of a few uncouth young women.
 On the upside, I got an opportunity to play a very prestigious role in a play which was not associated with college. On the downside, five days before the final performance, I was told that I shouldn't do it because I wasn't doing it the way it was supposed to be done and that someone experienced should do it. And they did it. Now when I look back, I realize that even though that decision left me feeling devastated and incompetent for the second time in two months, it was a practical one. Even though I did resent some people for it, I couldn't really help it. Even there, I was at the learning stage.
In this grave desire to learn something new, I was starting to lose touch with the one thing that was very close to my heart. I had stopped thinking. I had stopped imagining. I had stopped writing. It was frightening, the day I opened my diary and I couldn't describe my feelings, my days.. my life! Penning my thoughts down is like therapy for me. Besides, it has solution to all my problems. It is something that I love with all my heart because I know that no one can ever take it away from me.

But all this while, all I wanted to do was try my hand at something new and something that I had enjoyed watching other people do. And I did it. I've always been open to trying new things.. things that will help me grow as an individual, things that will help me gain knowledge. And I did it all. At this point, I can say for sure that I do not regret a single decision I made. This is because of the simple reason that I learnt from every situation that I put myself in and every decision that I took. It made me strong, resistant and well.. better than before. I still have shitload of experience to catch up on. After my semester finals, I guess.
Wearing: Dress:; Shoes: Zara; Bracelets: Mom's; Envelope clutch: Youshine; Sunglasses: AS0S

Pictures: Tyesha Kohli


Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Better Late Than Never, eh?

 Wearing: White Sweater ;Blazer: Zara; Leather leggings: Connection 18  ; Shoes: Guess; Sunglasses: ASOS

College has really given me a chance to explore and experiment. This is what I usually wore to college besides biker jackets, long coats and boots on cold winter mornings. I have finally moved from shooting in my backyard to shooting in college. Yes, this is my college. Well technically, we (my best friend and I. NO SELF TIMER!) shot right outside the Sister's (principal) house but you get my drift, right?! Living in leggings was not really my thing until I got these. AND GUESS WHAT, I CAN
I was supposed to post this two weeks ago but I couldn't since I had a dozen tests to give and assignments to submit and whatnot! Also, I don't know why but I've been a little disinterested for quite some. I was thinking of shutting this blog down a while back because there is not point in leaving it stagnant. But I am trying to work things out now. Apologies for a brief post. I am working on a research paper and a theater production simultaneously and unfortunately, they take up most of my time. So until next time, au revoir mes amis!

Aishwarya :)

Ps: I am currently a part of a theater production being staged by an independent theater company on 20th of March. If any of you love watching plays and want the deets for this one, you can email me @ (don't laugh, I made it when I was 15).