I've been on writer's block for quite some time now. Crumpled pages and deleted documents is all that comes to my mind when I look back. Last year, when I started college, I started working as a content writer for an online startup and as a writing intern with a website on the side. Later, I joined a drama society in college which actually made me want to attend college for a change because it introduced me to likeminded people. People who wrote. People who had a knack for good music. People who read. People who could think beyond clothes, shoes and their boyfriends. I was content. I was happy. I was thankful.
It didn't last too long though. After I was done with both my jobs, all I had was the drama society which had become very dear to me. It was probably the only reason why I attended college. But shit got real when I had to give my first semester finals. Eventually, I passed most of the subjects. Most of them, because I failed Hindi by one mark. I was travelling to Bombay with my society a month before I got the horrific news about having to give my Hindi exam again in the third semester. Fucking shit. The trip though, was an eventful one. All I can and want to say is that this trip and those situations, changed equations. Big time. After getting my ass kicked by my own choice for a month, I left the dramatics society too. It was quite a sad decision but I had to take it. At some level, I knew that I wasn't going to stay for long. Besides, the thing is, when you put your mind, body and soul into making something happen, you are bound to get attached to it. And when it is taken away from you, it is gut wrenching. When you see someone else do it, it is heart breaking.
Meanwhile, back at (regular) college, I was being targeted for saying things that I (still) don't remember saying. Politics. Second semester was an ass because of a few uncouth young women.
On the upside, I got an opportunity to play a very prestigious role in a play which was not associated with college. On the downside, five days before the final performance, I was told that I shouldn't do it because I wasn't doing it the way it was supposed to be done and that someone experienced should do it. And they did it. Now when I look back, I realize that even though that decision left me feeling devastated and incompetent for the second time in two months, it was a practical one. Even though I did resent some people for it, I couldn't really help it. Even there, I was at the learning stage.
In this grave desire to learn something new, I was starting to lose touch with the one thing that was very close to my heart. I had stopped thinking. I had stopped imagining. I had stopped writing. It was frightening, the day I opened my diary and I couldn't describe my feelings, my days.. my life! Penning my thoughts down is like therapy for me. Besides, it has solution to all my problems. It is something that I love with all my heart because I know that no one can ever take it away from me.
But all this while, all I wanted to do was try my hand at something new and something that I had enjoyed watching other people do. And I did it. I've always been open to trying new things.. things that will help me grow as an individual, things that will help me gain knowledge. And I did it all. At this point, I can say for sure that I do not regret a single decision I made. This is because of the simple reason that I learnt from every situation that I put myself in and every decision that I took. It made me strong, resistant and well.. better than before. I still have shitload of experience to catch up on. After my semester finals, I guess.
Wearing: Dress: Limeroad.in; Shoes: Zara; Bracelets: Mom's; Envelope clutch: Youshine; Sunglasses: AS0S
Pictures: Tyesha Kohli
Pictures: Tyesha Kohli